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Archive for the ‘marketing’ tag

Slick, sleek & slimy

I have fond mem­o­ries, though my cho­les­terol level does not, of eat­ing at D’Best Sand­wich Shop in Boca Raton. It’s been a few years, but as I  recently munched on a Miami Cuban-style cheeses­teak1 my mind started wan­der­ing and I got to won­der­ing if D’Best still existed. As I went look­ing for their web­site, I recalled a few of their regional twists on the cheeses­teak, like the New York style, a New Jer­sey style… not to men­tion their incred­i­ble non-steak explo­sion of an entire Thanks­giv­ing meal directly onto a bun (D’Pilgrim).

D’Best still exists, alright… but I was truly unpre­pared for what I found.

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  1. For the curi­ous: a sin­gle slab of steak topped with swiss cheese, mayo and potato sticks — a rather unhealthy twist on the ubiq­ui­tous pan con bis­tec, and also not a cheeses­teak.

Written by Everett Guerny

September 17th, 2014 at 2:19 am

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This is relevant to my interests

I just clicked my first ban­ner ad in years. It wasn’t by accident.

Dear mar­keters, this is how you do it:


No, of course I didn’t buy anything.

Written by Everett Guerny

September 13th, 2014 at 8:22 pm

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The Premium McWrap packaging is very nicely designed

McDonald's Premium McWrap 1I’m clearly no stranger to mar­ket­ing, but my career hasn’t yet brought me in touch with prod­uct pack­ag­ing. I like pack­ag­ing, and I’ve actu­ally bought things over the years because they were nicely pack­aged — stuff like candy,1 Altoids Sours, some ran­dom bike part… and yes, I’ve even bought myself a few low-balance gift cards2 to keep in my this is so awe­some file.

I recently found myself impressed with the card­board pack­ag­ing around the McDonald’s Pre­mium McWrap — I should prob­a­bly go ask for a clean one while they’re still avail­able. I guess I didn’t notice when they added this item to the menu, because I ordered my first one by mis­take. My annoy­ance at pay­ing about dou­ble what I expected turned to intrigue about as soon as I peeked into my drive-through bag.

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  1. Still pissed that my par­ents wouldn’t buy me Bub­ble Tape.
  2. Con­fuse your local cashier today — ask for a $1 gift card!

Written by Everett Guerny

February 25th, 2014 at 9:28 pm

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Winamp — “feel the love”

Winamp 2.95I prob­a­bly haven’t used Winamp in a decade, but learn­ing that it’s finally going away for good brought it back to the top of my mind this week.

Winamp wasn’t just my pri­mary digital-music-playing-thing1 — like many peo­ple, it was the first thing I ever used to play MP3s.

Yes Junior, back then Win­dows Media Player was for CDs and WAV files, and iTunes didn’t exist yet.2

What made Winamp so awe­some? I could devote a whole post3  to the genius of Winamp skins, and things I’ve been read­ing (1, 2, 3) over­whelm­ingly ref­er­ence the clas­sic “whip the llama’s ass” sound clip — which, in addi­tion to being a neat lit­tle brand­ing thing, was per­ma­nently imprinted on everyone’s mem­ory by being the first thing that would play after installation.

Those were cool, but my favorite Winamp mem­ory is some­thing a lit­tle less… super­fi­cial, per­haps? It’s a short piece of writ­ing that long ago was fea­tured on the “About” page of winamp.com:

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  1. Until iTunes for Win­dows showed me the value in hav­ing a library of files. Yeah, I know Winamp has a library fea­ture, but I never used it.
  2. Oh, and by the way, MP3s were these things peo­ple used to lis­ten to before there was YouTube.
  3. And, shit, I may — Winamp was doing skeu­mor­phics before Apple did skeu­mor­phics before Apple stopped doing skeu­mor­phics.

Written by Everett Guerny

November 22nd, 2013 at 9:07 pm

No Ovaltine please — we’re cool.

As a kid, I didn’t know any­thing about Oval­tine aside from their com­mer­cials, so I hadn’t seen it as a spon­sor of clas­sic radio and tele­vi­sion, as a joke on Sein­feld, or as a big fat liar in A Christ­mas Story. I can’t remem­ber any of my friends hav­ing any­thing to say about it, either.

I was totally unbiased.

But from the company’s mar­ket­ing alone, I could tell that rich choco­late Oval­tine was uncool. I had never drunk any — and decades later, I still haven’t — but if I ever had, I cer­tainly wouldn’t have told any­one about it.

I’m not exactly sure why the stuff made my lame-sense tin­gle as a kid. Maybe because Oval­tine was named after a shape (and shapes are for lit­tle kids), or that its mar­ket­ing proudly pro­claimed that it was full of vit­a­mins (like every­thing par­ents love, and kids don’t), but what I sus­pect it was… was a lit­tle more basic than that.

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Written by Everett Guerny

November 5th, 2013 at 1:31 am

Can we just drop this?

If you’re not a rap­per pro­mot­ing your new album — and espe­cially if you’re a non-rapper who works in mar­ket­ing — can you do us a favor and not use “drop” to mean “the date on which [my thing] is set to be released”?

I’m sorry you’ve cho­sen e-mail spam or what­ever the fuck you do for a liv­ing, but talk­ing about the day your new cam­paign or what­ever “drops” doesn’t make you sound hip or hard or whatever.

There is one accept­able use out­side the rap game: are you a preg­nant woman dis­cussing the date your kid is due to be born? Then that’s… actu­ally totally cool.

“Lil’ shorty drops Novem­ber 7th. Yeah.“
–Expec­tant mother

Written by Everett Guerny

October 1st, 2013 at 7:09 pm

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Movie Mom Advice from Netflix

Net­flix has me trained pretty well — I know never to read the red envelopes that show up at my place. These days, the flip side is always a promo for some exclu­sive orig­i­nal series I don’t care about. House of Cards is amaz­ing? That’s won­der­ful; let me know when I can actu­ally stream some god­damn movies, okay?

That’s why I was sur­prised when tonight’s Net­flix envelopes actu­ally man­aged to catch my eye. On my way back from the mail­box I found both clev­erly embla­zoned with dif­fer­ent life tips from movie moms. Tonight’s haul came wrapped in choice bits of For­rest Gump and Brave — timely for Mother’s Day and all that.


I won­der how many designs there actu­ally are in the series — I’m guess­ing far fewer than the hun­dreds the num­ber­ing sys­tem seems to sug­gest. I’ll be look­ing for more in a few days.

That’s actu­ally pretty sweet of them. I’ll… be sure to let mom know.

Written by Everett Guerny

May 3rd, 2013 at 2:13 am

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