My greatest fear

Hi, clean guy here. My great­est fear is that when I vis­it the bath­room for the sole pur­pose of wash­ing my hands — like if I’m about to eat or some­thing — that some­one may think that the short amount of time I spent in the bath­room means that I didn’t wash my hands.

I know — who cares what peo­ple think? And I would usu­al­ly agree. But not on this. This is important.

I’ve tried wip­ing my hands on my shirt as I leave the bath­room, pan­tomim­ing a sort of oh man, my hands are just still so wet be­cause I just washed them! act. But then I wor­ry that peo­ple may think that I think that wip­ing my hands on my shirt is an ac­cept­able sub­sti­tute for ac­tu­al wash­ing. Not cool.

I know — who cares what peo­ple think? And I would usu­al­ly agree. But not on this. This is important.

So what do I do? Always walk out still hold­ing a pa­per tow­el? Leave the bath­room loud­ly go­ing “oh man, my hands are just still so wet be­cause I just washed them!” Should I al­ways com­ment on what lux­u­ri­ous hand soap they’ve got in this McDonald’s bath­room? “You’ve re­al­ly got­ta try that stuff… I mean, ob­vi­ous­ly I did.”

I know — who cares what peo­ple think? And I would usu­al­ly agree. But not on this. This is important.

Or just wash my hands in slow-motion? I… I think I could do that.