Well, it seems like I finally found it: COKEWARS.
Well, mostly. First off, what I found has a different name than I thought, but my memory could be faulty.1 Also, this game was created for the luxurious TI-92, while my graphing calc gaming was done exclusively on a humble TI-83. Oh, and this one wasn’t actually published until I was out of high school. I was not playing this goofy stuff in college.2
All signs seem to point to this being a port of the game I played. But, wow, very close! My long, stupid search is over.
A clone of drug wars but for those of you that play games in school it’s good because you can say it’s for another class because you’re buying and selling things(Coke Products). So… it’s a really cool game
―Andy Barry, the creator of (at least) this version
It’s a little disappointing to find solid evidence that this gentleman definitely didn’t think of his creation as the comedy game it was to me. Damn it, Andy, it’s a trenchcoat full of soda!
Oh well, anyway…
- On the other hand, the game I found can’t even keep its own name straight, alternately going by “COKEWAR,” “COKEWARS” and even “drinkwar.”
- I was playing Counter-Strike, thank you for asking.